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By Chance


Sorry for the crickets-- I haven't been feeling too great lately. Ups and downs again. Still haven't figured out my recent stomach issues--- even after a visit to a specialist last week. To be completely honest, I figured an appointment wouldn't explain anything--- but sometimes, more often than not, I feel like I should have them anyway. Then there's never the thought or the mention of, "well you never got checked out, this could have been prevented." So hey, I got checked out, nothing. But a few days later, I couldn't take this not knowing and I called again--- so now I am having a few tests/cultures run tomorrow and hopefully that brings upon some results. It's mostly gotten better--- this stomach thing--- but it's still pretty distended and hard, and to be quite honest, at this point I can't tell if it's my colon or my lady parts. Everything seemed like it was working so well lately! And no, I'm not pregnant--- I have 5 negative reading pregnancy tests to show it (insert teeth clenched emoji). I also caught a nasty cold. Marlowe got her random preschool cough again. And like last time, it just needed some extra water, healthy food, and rest, then it passed pretty quickly. In between that time, I caught it-- or so I thought but very quickly fought it off no problem. But then Alex caught it--- and I wasn't careful--- not at all, because I assumed "hey my body already fought it off, I should be good!" Silly. Because then it really hit me hard--- I haven't had this many boogers in maybe 10 years, since I gave up dairy! I feel like I could have completely fought it off, had my stomach been working properly, but I guess thats how it goes. I'm just hoping it passes. Honestly, I've eaten enough raw garlic this week to kill a small animal--- or a lot of small animals (insert teeth clenched emoji again). And ginger. And echinacea. And oregano. And vitamin C. And vitamin D (via me in a swimsuit on the hammock. yolo.) All the things. I'm about to hit my head to the pillow hard and hope so good ole' fashion rest makes this leave now.

I've had this feeling of impending doom this week. Morbid, I know. But it's just that, EVERYONE around me is sick. I swear, 99.7% of the people I know (or follow on IG) in west palm are sick this month. And I'm trying not to be paranoid, but I'm really sending to a big old WTF to the city right now. That and this is the time last year where it really started to come on. Well, sort of, a week from now I guess. And I know it's completely irrational, but I just have this fear that everything is going to happen all over again. That's not the way illness works-- but it's really scary to think about anything like that ever happening again. And with me being sick this month--- well, I'm irrationally scared. Sometimes, anyway. I don't think about it most of the time-- but sometimes that fear just lingers back in. I never want to live last year again. I mean, I wouldn't mind living the good parts, like cruising with friends or having the trip of a lifetime in India--- but all the bad stuff? The hospital stay, endless trips to the ER, the inability to digest anything ever, the ridiculous amount of testing and fear? I'm over it. I'm just continuously trying to remind my rational side to step up and show fear the way out.

The past is the past. The present is now. And whatever happens in the future, well, it'll happen. Everything will be fine. Or better yet, wonderful. 
I had an email from a local reader last week, asking where we purchased our happy eggs and if, by chance I knew of any places around her for eggs. I didn't know any places-- but I assured her there would be some. Coincidentally, a few days later Alex asked if I wanted to head west to return something we bought and to check out a farm stand he found. And where was this farm stand? Right in this emailer's neighborhood--- and whats the first thing I saw when we pulled up? A sign for cage free, happy eggs. It's funny when life throws those happy coincidences my way (your way too). Maybe things happen for a reason. Maybe they don't. Ups and downs and all arounds--- life has put me here right now and poking fear aside, life is really good, even through the shit, so I'm happy about that.

I'm going to keep overloading on fluids and germ fighters--- while I tell this cold, this fear, this whatever, to take a hike. Good things are coming, just gotta get through another (tremendously small) hump. I'm working on recipes, a post about rugs (you love rugs), and whatever else. Alex and I are headed away next week (I don't know if I mentioned that), so I'm working on getting my ducks in a row before we head out.

 I hope you guys had a great weekend. Happy new week, friends. I hope it's a good one.

ps. I'm also hoping to share more of our favorite places-- I know I said I wanted to make a series of it, but my health is so inconsistent that I'm so inconsistent (and not the most reliable boo), but I'm hoping to share some old places and new little finds like last weeks ship wreck salvage shop and this little hippie farm stand. it's in Loxahatchee on okeechobee west on F road(ish) :) 

4 comments:

  1. Be well, Drea:) Your voice brings me comfort as I fight off anxiety today.. We're all holding on to the good in the face of what's uncertain and you help me feel like we're all kind of joining hands in that, you know? Always so grateful for you. Xoxo

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  2. You've come a long way on this healing journey Drea. I can well understand your anxiety, but you are doing everything right, learning what works and what doesn't and caring for yourself well. This will shine through in the end. Stay strong and be as positive as you can. I'm rooting for you. CJ xx

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  3. Just catching up...and I hope this isn't really weird to say, but I'm super glad I'm not the only one who gets the whole feeling of impending doom for no particular reason. Such a strange and unnerving thing. Hope you feel better soon! Love your rugs and your jumpsuit!!! :)

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