(from our forage/garden project not too long ago)
I realized lately that I have almost no downtime--- unless it's very specific, planned downtime. Otherwise I'm go go go. Not always necessarily busy or painful work--- sometimes I'm just busy with fun--- so I'm absolutely-definitely not complaining, but I'm just busy. Fun busy is still busy ;) When did I lose my 'feet up, scrolling through instagram' time? My yoga time? My mindless tv without a second computer in front of me time?
I think I've figured it out that the biggest contributor to me losing all my downtime, has been Marlowe's growth. Naps are gone. They've been gone for a long while now. And I do miss my downtime, trust me--- I really, really do, but it hasn't been half-bad never stopping, never not moving. I function better at full speed and go. As this blog grows I've grown busier too. Go figure ;) And with the busyness, I find my wheels turning more and my ideas flowing and my feet wanting to dance a little bit more in between sitting. I've touched on it a bit before, but I never did well not working. For me, when it comes to doing (but not buying, remember?) things, more is more. If I'm not moving forward or not being multi-productive, I'm not doing enough (in my head and for my life anyway) I've also touched on this before, but my mind doesn't stop. It's in constant over-drive. So as long as my body and life are on the go too, things are good. It helps ease my nerves.
I've been filling my days with inspirational people, brainstorming, creating--- important things and completely ridiculous and frivolous things. For myself and for the love of my toddler. I still need coffee (I'd like it now, in bed at night), but fill my day up with plans and I'm ready to go. So while I do miss my 'kick my feet up' time, part of me thinks it's better that Marlowe has passed through the nap thing and I can't kick my feet up anymore.
We're coming to a place where people pop in, spend a few minutes or hours, music is on, food is out, plants are growing, art is everywhere, and there is creating going on in every corner. And it makes me so happy. It takes a lot for me to feel proud of myself, but this week? I know we're doing good. To look around and see this magical creation space that Marlowe is living in... well, it really fills my heart up. I'm happy for her place in my life. And for my place in hers. The home we have. The family we've created, it's pretty awesome.
Marlowe will be going to school later than most with that 'just missing the date' birthday of hers. It's a long while before the hours in my days go kiddo-free. (Depending on what your definition of "long" is of course). And sometimes I think of how much more I could do with her in school or with the naps that she's skipping... but these years, they're so fast. SO fast, man. And I'm so happy to have this time with her now---with her creating by my side. I'm so happy over-flowing with to do lists--- and you've missed this, better get your ass into gear lists. I'm happy to do too much. And I'm happy to live in it and look back on it all. It's one hell of an awesome colorful ride. Just like I hoped we would be, we're busy and thriving over here.