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If I Had Another Baby...


The thought crosses my mind often.... probably once a month... every 25 days or so.... haha ;)  But really, it does. Its a huge "what if" and it always will be. How would it change our family? How would it change me? Or Marlowe's life? Or my relationship? I've written so many times (three now?) (yes, here, here, AND here) about my choice to have an only child... how it's right for me, our family, and our home. I've written about the goods and bads and logical thinking behind all of it. But logical thinking aside, I still, sometimes, like to play the 'what if' game. I'm a dreamer. A night dreamer, a day dreamer, an over thinker, and fantasizer... it's who I am. And even more than the "what if's".... I think about the "I would's". How this time around would be different. About how the first time was hard. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready. I was alone and hating much of it. I mean, I loved pregnancy. Emotionally, it was hard. Physically, I loved it. The baby part? Everything about it was hard.

Now, I enjoy to fantasize about how I would make this time around so much better.... if the what if happened. It won't happen. Or it's not happening and we're not planning on it happening... but if it did. How I would savor each moment. How I would be more flexible. More open and accepting of the sleepless nights. More aware and prepared for the difficulties of breastfeeding. How I would have a dream space.... a better space. How I would know what baby things to buy and indulge in and what to ignore completely. A room full of beautiful (and practical) pieces. Even what I would write about on this thing.... haha! But mostly, I like to dream about all the beautiful baby things and the beautiful moments that motherhood offers to moms of new baby's... and I like to think how nice it would be, or it would have been to know what I was doing the first time.... and to do it now, with someone else and knowing what I know and what I love. Those quiet, peaceful moments, where I lived in beauty and awe. I relive those in my head and create new ones. Fantasies that can stay distant, with no intention of ever making them real can sometimes be the best ones of all. 

*the two images above are from Dorel

14 comments:

  1. I hear ya. In plan on only having my daughter but I can't help but wonder.

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  2. I hear ya. In plan on only having my daughter but I can't help but wonder.

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  3. Lovely fantasy.

    I always assumed I would have two and when I decided it was OK to just have one, it was a huge weight off my shoulders.

    belgianandahalf.blogspot.com

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  4. There is some kind of magic connection between us, Drea.
    How many times have I thought about being mum to two? Recently? Embarrassing to say yet still I'm choosing to be her mum only. Funny that once men decide on something they don't revise the thought while we always leave the door slightly open, peek through the keyhole. xxx

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  5. I have similar thoughts about my only child. She's only almost ten months, but my pregnancy was emotionally draining. It was terrible. I am/was not a single parent, so I can't empathize with you there, but we have also made the decision to have one (for now anyway.) If it did happen for you though, sending love and the best of wishes to you!

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  6. Weirdly, as I was reading your year end post this morning I was wondering if y'all would end up with another. I only planned on one as well, but sometimes plans just change. ;)

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  7. It's always nice to daydream for a while.

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  8. As a pregnant reader of your blog, I'd love to hear some of your suggestions for "things to buy and indulge in and what to ignore completely." It's very confusing to know with such an industry pushing all sorts of products!

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  9. I don't know you, but I swear I expect an announcement within the year. Something about settling down with your love after a rough time (I went through something similar) produces a baby...

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  10. I'm struggling with this decision too. My daughter will be four next month, and sometimes I wonder if we should have another baby. My pregnancy was awful, and I had my husband but things weren't great with us at the time so I pretty much did everything on my own. Had I known then, what I know now I would have done things a lot differently.

    For now we have decided to just have one. We are both so busy with our daughter, work, and I'm going to school that I don't think it would be fair to add another baby to the mix right now. Who knows though, that might all change?

    Those daydreams we weave sometimes have a way of coming true. :)

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  11. I feel the same way about the possibility of a third child - not even a possibility with the mister's vasec! I think about more what life would have been if I hadn't miscarried our twin girls. Same idea. I like to look at the baby things - the girl things especially since we had a boy and all the little dresses and such went to a neighbor. Not sad now just thoughtful mainly.

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  12. I've had so many posts like this on my blog...but about having a first child. Now that I am pregnant (baby coming this June!) I'm still day dreaming. I've always always known that I wanted a pretty big family so now I just want a sibling for my little one who hasn't even arrived yet! haha

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  13. My hubby and I are in the process of "working really hard for a baby". I have a 15 year old son from a previous relationship and my hubby has no kids.. We definitely want at least one and I'm hoping hoping hoping!!!! You seem like you do such an amazing job with Marlowe.. you guys need a little boy!! =)

    Heather
    southernnorth.com

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  14. thats a big question and one i'm considering too! and yah, it would be nice to have things figured out the 2nd time around...so much less stress!

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