I decided to sit on our smaller couch by the window a few days ago. We almost never sit on the smaller couch... but the sliding door was open and the nicest breeze was blowing in. Marlowe came over and asked why I was sitting on this couch. I told her, "because it is nice out and I am enjoying the outside." She came and sat next to me and for a good twenty minutes we just sat on this rarely used couch, staring outside, and sharing a bowl of barbecue chips (our weakness). We eat A LOT of healthy things... 99.7% of the time, but I'm still allowed my vices :)
Marlowe and I, we talk a lot. About real things and crazy toddler things. There a lot of questions everyday. Sometimes too many. I'm not sure what prompted our conversation, but we starting talking about siblings. I asked Marlowe is she understood what brothers and sisters were. And I told her she didn't have any. She looked confused and upset and insisted that I was her sister. I told her I wasn't. Sure, I may look like a teeny-bopper most of the time, but I'm her mother, not her sister. I went on to tell her that some people have one brother or one sister and some people have a lot of brothers or a lot of sisters, and some don't have any, but that can pretty good too. I went on to tell her, "Mama got really lucky and had one kid who was super amazing, nice, smart, and awesome, and I didn't need or want anymore, just that one." She looked confused again, but this time pleased... and in the sweetest voice, she asked, "me?" I filled up with a big smile and said, "Yes, of course!" She smiled and was happy, but went on again, with her questions and stated, "but I want a sister!" I told her that I understood, but sometimes things don't work out that way. And she exclaimed "BUT, I know! Lily can be my sister!" and I told her that was the best idea in the whole entire world. Lily (and all her other friends) can truly be her sisters.
Alex and I, we had the talk again, about one kid vs. two. I brought it up after a two week span of lots of hangouts with my friend Steph and watching my baby brother. I had this itching question, needing to know whether Alex would really be okay not ever having another.... and especially a son. I knew I was okay with it, and he knew if I was okay with it, but I wasn't absolutely certain that if he would really be or not.... and well, thats half of a really big family decision, ya know? Luckily, a big relief came to me when I found he shared my sentiments... never imagining having an only child, but getting to this place and realizing complete contentment with only one. We both know that one, two, three children, they would all be awesome and add something new to our life, but the one we have? We made out pretty good. And not having a second daughter or a son at all, well that's okay. Because really, it's not what we don't have in this life, but it's what we make with what we do have, that's important.
I know I sound like a broken record lately, but I just feel so grateful for the friendships (and everything else) in my life. I'd be completely lost without all the amazing friendships I hold. I feel like I go in and out of weeks of choosing to spend a lot of time alone and (Almost) completely disconnected, to weeks filled with seeing loving familiar faces every.single.day. I'm in a surround myself with friends phase this week. I've spent each day this week with someone I love. I crave and love both these. But every time I climb back into busy days with friends, my heart grows that much bigger. It brings a big smile to my face that Marlowe, at three years old, can already so innocently (and perfectly) claim that a good friend can be a sister. She'll make out pretty good in life by thinking this way.
Also, on being grateful... I know most, if not all of us know about the devastation going on in the Philippines. It's heartbreaking. Money can be tight sometimes, but I donated what I could... and in my over thinking anxiety mind, it's never enough (because really, it isn't). I've thought maybe it could be a good idea if for the next two months or so, 100% of all ohdeardrea small ad sales will be donated to the Red Cross to aid the Philippines. (unless you can recommend of a better organization). I've also added a discount code, if that helps entice any. OHDEARSHARE for 20% off. Purchase your ad (for a good cause) HERE, or donate directly to them of course.