Thats me in there^. Not running, just moving forward.
You know, this year has been a pretty good year. Not everything was perfect, it never is, but a lot of parts were truly amazing (a new house!) and once in a lifetime experiences (ahem: flying 20+ hours across the united states and the pacific ocean to stay with maryam, in Hawaii, by myself, with my toddler in tow). We're settled here now, very planted in our new home, and each day I am just forever more grateful for the support of my family. For everything they've done for me throughout my life, and especially in the past three years. Life, for everyone is a learning experience. And for the most part, if we're lucky enough, we never stop growing. I feel like I've grown SO much this year, especially in improving on many self-proclaimed shortcomings... and well, I'm still working on many of them too.
I can't remember, for the life of me, what sort of New Years resolutions I made last year (if any at all). But this year, all my resolutions can all be jumbled into one big categorized ball: keep on growing.
Balance. Every single day I strive for balance. For the most part, I can find myself in a good groove, but this past month, I've failed miserably at it.
Acceptance // Realistic goal reevaluating. This follows the first goal, I need to accept that I can't do everything. I have so many goals and plans, that may never come to actuality. One, was a "one day plan" turned into a "now plan", turned into "okay, maybe in two years, maybe one day plan". I've had a rough week, feeling like so many dreams and goals that I'm striving for, will just have to be put further on hold. I underestimated (or overestimated?) the hours in a day and what can truly be accomplished, without me suffering. One day my big dreams might happen, but right now? Working my ass off, being a full time single mom (and a really fucking good mom), and accomplishing much of my dreams, just doesn't work. I don't want my family, my quality time with my daughter, and my overall feeling of content to suffer, because I'm trying to do too much. My dreams will have to wait. And this year, I plan on learning to accept that.
Co-parenting. Alex and I have made tremendous progress this year. Within ourselves and with each other. I'd be lying if I said, I didn't sometimes still resent my responsibilities vs. his, (and ^^ my dreams being on hold vs his) but that's not something I can change. I have to accept it. I hope we continue to work together, amicably, forgiving each others flaws, and just making our daughter's life kickass.
Blocking out negativity. I'm infamous for purge. I love to purge my life of clutter and unnecessary garbage. Mostly material things... but also: people, judgement, and negativity. It's so freeing and mind-clearing. This past year, I made a conscious decision to not only purge, but block out any and all exterior negativity. That one simple, but difficult decision, brought me instant relief. Life is too short to worry about someone else's negative disposition. It's a pretty attainable goal, since I've been doing it for some time now, but I look forward to moving forward this year, without letting any exterior negativity affect who am I and this life I'm living.
Eat more raw vegetables. Yes, we live off vegetables (and bread) in this home, but raw, uncooked vegetables? Not so much. Crazy enough, this will possibly be my hardest goal to achieve. I am,without a doubt, THE BIGGEST lover of all hot-comforting foods. Also, bringing Marlowe on the raw food train, doesn't seem very easy. To keep things easy around here, she eats what I eat (and vice versa), and I don't see her buying into the crunchy texture and flavors of raw vegetables. But who knows, maybe she'll surprise me. If not, normal snack time for her, will have to be raw veggie snack time for me.
A garden. I won't be having my large dream garden anytime soon, but something small and easy, should be something attainable for this year. We have the space, the weather, and the outdoor loving toddler... this could totally happen.
Speak more spanish. I understand it. I can read it. And I want to feel more comfortable speaking it. For me, yes, but mostly for Marlowe. This week, Marlowe learned to count to ten. Muy bien!
I end every year and start every year the same, quoting, "and maybe, this year will be better than the last." Here's to 2013, and every year following, being better than the last.