I've had a killer stomach ache all morning and instead of dining out with my lady friends I went ahead and made a huge pot of bread garlic soup. Today, it has brought me comfort. I've never been on of those people who is a comfort-eater. During breakups, heartache, or stress I usually find myself incredibly nauseous and anxious and I tend to stray away from food. When I was pregnant I couldn't do that. I was falling apart inside, but I had to do everything I could to make sure the best meals possible were going into my body, this brought me comfort. Now, sure, I am a little disheartened and definitely a bit stressed, but I'm alright. I have to be &I am. It helps to know I am providing the best food I can for my body and my child, I find comfort in making incredibly hearty, healthy, and loving meals. Yes, it's not as easy as it once was. I now make soup in intervals. Chop garlic. Hold Marlowe. Roast tomatoes. Hold Marlowe. Saute onion. Hold Marlowe.. and so forth. As stressful as it can be to be the only one here to hold my child while trying to accomplish seemingly simple tasks, it's all worth it. I find a comfort inside when everything is finished, Marlowe is content, and I can sit on my couch with a large bowl of soup (or three).
These past few days, the thought of Marlowe having formula at the end of the month has here-and-there made me angry and sad. I physically can't pump enough for the time her father will be taking her. I'm doing everything I can, but I physically cannot do it. But sometimes when I think of this fact, I feel okay and I smile. You know why? I'm actually pretty proud of myself. There were points in breast-feeding where I didn't think I would make it past one month. I had to take it day by day. Here I am, 7 months later, (&when he takes her, 8 months later) and I did it. I really really did it. I made it: 8 months of exclusively breast-feeding, with the exception of one meal at night (one portion of rice cereal with one portion of a vegetable). I did it. &I find so much comfort in this.
Mostly, I find comfort in the fact that I have done everything in my power to be here everyday for Marlowe. As hard as some days have been, and as impossible as some nights have seemed, I did it. I'm doing it. I find an overwhelming amount of comfort in the fact that I am here everyday with my child giving her the love, comfort, and attention she needs to be a secure, independent, happy child, and one day: a secure, independent, and happy woman.
Here's to you: mothers, fathers, parents who are there everyday doing what you can, working to create secure, loving, independent, happy adults. You guys are making the world a better place.